Ever felt really anxious about going to school? School refusal - also called ‘school can’t’ or ‘school phobia’ - is when that feeling becomes so intense that you end up avoiding school altogether.

School refusal is different from skipping school or truancy, as often friends and family are aware that the person experiencing school refusal isn’t attending, and aren’t able to get them to attend despite their best efforts.

People experiencing school refusal often want to go, but feel too overwhelmed to face it. Sometimes, the thought of going to school can lead to physical symptoms like feeling sick, trembling, or panic attacks.

While it's not a mental health condition, repeatedly avoiding school due to stress or anxiety could be a sign of a bigger mental health challenge. Here's what to look for:

• Emotional outbursts about going to school
• Frequent complaints before or during school like tummy aches, headaches, tiredness
• Begging to go home during school hours
• Frequently late to, or missing, classes during the day
• Trouble sleeping before school days

If you're noticing these signs in yourself, a friend or a family member, talking to someone you trust or a GP is the best first step - they’ll be able to rule out any health issues that could be causing these symptoms and suggest management and support options.

What causes school refusal?

The reasons for school refusal are complex, different for everyone and can start gradually or happen suddenly. It's worth noting that it’s not caused by poor parenting, rather it’s a stress response that's triggered by something in someone's environment. A few common things that lead to school refusal:

• learning difficulties or conflict with teachers
• anxiety related to being separated from family
• worry related to social interactions
• anxiety about exams or public speaking
• changes to school environment like transitioning from primary to high school or to a new school
• an unsettled family/home life e.g. divorce or moving house
• being affected by bullying or friendship difficulties

What’s the impact of school refusal?

The stigma associated with talking about struggles and reaching out for help with them is having a huge impact on young Aussies and their parents, with a rapid decline in attendance numbers speaking volumes - a recent senate report* found that last year, half of all students did not attend 1 in 10 days of school.

 Missing school doesn’t just mean missing out on learning, it can impact friendships and social life, since missed school days mean fewer chances to connect. 

School refusal is a behavioural symptom, and can also often be a sign of something bigger like larger environmental stressors or mental health crises.

The longer it goes on, the harder it gets to bounce back, which is why early intervention and adequate ongoing support both in and outside the classroom is so important.

Recommendations made in the recent senate report include schools offering more flexible options for students struggling with school refusal, increased subsidised mental health visits and improved early identification of autism, ADHD and other specific learning and anxiety disorders to help with classroom support.

How can I support my friend experiencing school refusal?

You can support your friend by:

• Practising open conversations with them - try the notice/ask model here e.g. ‘Hey, I noticed you haven’t been at school much and I just wanted to see how you’re doing?’
• Actively listening without necessarily offering advice or trying to fix problems - if they are comfortable with sharing how they’re feeling or what they’re going through, just listening and acknowledging them can often be one of the best ways to show you care. 
• Offering to walk with them to the school counsellor’s office - they’ll be able to help work through what’s troubling them and find ways to better support them at school.

Parents and carers can support their loved one by:

• Helping them establish a morning and evening routine. Having a routine in place can help give a sense of stability. Consider including relaxation techniques to help reduce stress or anxiety, like meditation or breathing exercises.
• Encouraging them to see their GP - they can assist them with coping strategies, and to better understand the underlying reasons for their school refusal.

Navigating school refusal can be stressful, worrying and overwhelming for both the person experiencing it and their friends and family, and it’s important to look after yourself while showing support for someone else.

If you find yourself needing to chat, there’s always someone to talk to - check out the Get Support page for where you can find the right support.

*The national trend of school refusal and related matters, August 2023.

Resources: Our friends at headspace and ReachOut