It's common for people who care for someone experiencing mental ill-health to prioritise the wellbeing of their loved one above their own needs. However, neglecting your own self-care can lead to emotional and physical exhaustion, and even jeopardise your own health. 

Remember, taking care of yourself isn’t selfish - it's essential. By putting your own wellbeing first, you'll be better equipped to support your mate, family member or loved one. There are some things you can do to look out for yourself while supporting someone experiencing mental ill-health.

Try to be realistic

First things first, get a clear picture of what you can realistically handle. It's important to recognize that there are things you can't change or tackle alone, and that's absolutely okay. Take a moment to jot down a few things:

• List all the support needs of the person you're caring for. This will help you understand their requirements better.
• Identify what you can handle on your own and what tasks you might need assistance with. Don't hesitate to ask for help when you need it.
• Figure out the signs that indicate you need a break. It could be feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, or when your own well-being starts to take a hit. Knowing these signs will help you take proactive steps to recharge.

Support their independence

One of the best ways you can support someone and also set some boundaries is by helping them have some control over their care. This could be by taking a step back or supporting decisions that are not what you would do, but it could also mean that you can find a balance in your relationship, and perhaps a little more time for yourself.

Have a chat with them to find out; 

• how they can help themselves and what that could look like 
• what support they need from you
• whether there are times that they can cope on their own

Make time for yourself

We know it's not always easy to take a break whenever you want, but carving out some time just for you is vital. Sometimes, all you need is an hour or two to clear your mind, or a whole day to recharge and feel more refreshed. You could head out for a walk, catch up on some much-needed sleep, or switch off your phone for a designated period. Whatever it is, make sure to make time for activities that bring you joy and make you feel good.

Find the positives in your relationship

However you’re supporting someone, looking after them can change your relationship with them. Sometimes you may feel close and connected, but at other times you may feel angry and irritated. There may be instances when the person you care for resists or is unable to accept the care you offer, leaving you feeling frustrated, exhausted, and possibly isolated. Talk honestly and openly about how you’re feeling, and try to find ways of coping together. This could be by:

• considering yourself as their friend, partner or family member first and foremost
• talking together about how to strengthen positive parts of your relationship
• finding common interests or hobbies to do together 

It’s important to be aware that these tips are generalised and may not suit everyone, or every relationship. We recommend chatting with a counsellor, your GP or a mental health specialist that meets your needs to get advice that’s helpful for your own situation.

Sometimes the pressure of caring for someone else can build up until it feels like you can no longer cope. This is completely understandable, but may be a sign that you need to try and look after yourself. If you need to chat, you can reach out to one of the organisations on our Get Support page.